Dementia

My thread and needle are never far.

I want to pick apart your brain and extract the filaments of your thoughts; to twist, coil, and plait. I want to weave your abstractions into a quilt so that I can wrap your textile mind around me.

I want to suffocate in the soft heat of your fabric soul.

I want to make it myself, that ethereal blanket. Just like my grandmother used to do back when people still took pride in creating things with their hands, in sacrificing their time and suffering for the prospect of producing something tangible. I want to see the proof of my labor across your starry, expired ideas, I want to look at each stitch and know that my bruised fingers did that. My efforts are holding you together.

Because that is what I will always do for you.

My thread and needle are never far.

No matter how much your mind deteriorates, I will find a way to patch it up again. Illness will never have you, not completely, no. When you forget who I am, I will play music that takes you back to a time and a place where you used to dance with me. When you are unable to stand, I will hold your feather-light body in my arms and sway you gently to the beat, so you can feel the song, too.

I will never let you unravel.

I will remake you every day and swathe myself in your beautiful, fragmented mind. And where the gaps are, I’ll fill it in with my own, patching up the holes with what’s left of me until I have nothing left to give. I will swaddle us together in a sheet of shattered memories and broken, human hearts.

And we’ll sway to the music.

quilt

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11 thoughts on “Dementia

  1. Wow. This was marvelous. I couldn’t stop feeling so engrossed in this while reading, and I think a lot of it too is because I feel like some of these phrases felt so relatable? I remember writing original prose about someone I love and parts of it being about wanting to sink your fingers into someone’s brain and just know them completely and thoroughly.

    And uh, yes. This was good.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is abominable. It cut off the rest of my comment. I also said that when I was rereading it to remind me of what else I was going to say, I felt myself gettin emotional again, because it’s more than just understanding, as well; it’s wanting to help and put someone back together and never wanting them to forget. And I love that it’s such a bittersweet thing, as well; the tone of sadness and longing is also present.

      P.S: I love that I’m not the only one that gets inspired to write things after watching documentaries. ❤ I watched one on E a while back that totally inspired me like whoa.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ohhh DJ Dreamy, how I adore you. Thank you for the gift of your two-fold reaction (wordpress is strange sometimes). My grandma had dementia and never really knew what was going on around her for a long time before she died. It’s such a painful way to go, mostly for other people, really. Forgetting must be agonizing, but it’s impossible to know. But being forgotten is undeniably tragic.

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    • Thank you so much. I recently watched a documentary entitled ‘Alive Inside: A Story of Music and Memory’ and it was definitely the inspiration for this post. It’s on Netflix, highly recommend it. Watching it made me so sad in that music and art are just…so, so important. They are an integral part of being human and… well, I’m rambling.

      Art is important! Kids should draw and play music! Grumble, grumble, etc!

      Liked by 2 people

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