for you

I carved out a space for you

In my chest, between my ribs

I scraped it clean using my hands

There’s still skin under my nails

And blood wet and stinging on my tongue

 

I carved out a space for you

In my heart, between two beats

I made it nice and lit a candle

It’s warm here beneath the glow

And soft and loving in the center

 

I carved out a space for you

In my head, between these thoughts

I wiped them down with my cotton sleeves

There’s a sparkle to them now

All glistening wonder

All for you

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the in between

This is the hard part – the in between.

There’s the idea of you, so solid and strong in my mind… although, if I am being honest, that did not come about as simply as it sounds. You were first one notion and then another (which is fine, because that first notion was rather weak, I’m afraid), and then yet another version of the first before you shifted to a third; and you circled around my head as this alien, amorphous entity that changed so quickly I could not pin you down long enough to scratch your outline into my sketchbook. But then, quite suddenly, you lit up. Gleaming like the metaphorical light bulb that is the most welcome sight of all, and I fell in love with you.

So now I have you, in my mind. You are an X somewhere on a treasure map that has not yet been made. I’m working on that part – I have it all outlined, to the last detail – and while I’m sure to run into unforeseen turbulence along the way (would it be an adventure if I didn’t?), I know where I am going. Getting to you is inevitable; the only questions now are how long, how much, how long.

This is the hard part, you see. The in between.

Love is

Love is patient, love is kind
Love is also blooming and cresting and sometimes its petals don’t all stay attached
Love is not constant; love goes through cycles as all things do, as we all do
Love is not apart from us,
But apart of us
Love strikes like lightning and causes bright fires,
Love smolders like embers and glows a dull orange
Love is a temperamental flame that has a thousand different needs:
Sometimes stoking
Sometimes air
Sometimes space
Always life

Love does not envy, but it is envy’s close friend.
Love does not boast, but it casts pride as a shadow
Love always perseveres

Traitorous lace

I lost you in my very own head. I chased your heaving breaths down corridors in my skull – I ran and I ran and I ran and I ran – but you were always just two steps too far ahead of me, just turning the corner before my feet could land on your shadow and pin you in place. You looked back once and there was a halo around you. I could smell your perfume. You turned away, ran faster, faster. I would almost catch the hem of your garment, but then it would slip though my fingers, sliding silk and traitorous lace.

I lost you in a vision that was brought on by a fever. The wallpaper of my mind was covered in markings, a mockery of your penmanship bleeding onto the carpet. Golden frames contained golden people who had no eyes, only gaping holes in the canvases that made it clear that there were monsters lurking on the other side – coming for me, coming for you and your traitorous lace. You ran from me like I was one of them. Don’t you know that I’m the one who will awaken you with a jewel-encrusted kiss? Don’t you know that I’m the hero of your story?

I lost you in the scream that never left my throat.

Sky Line

I am the line that breaks the sky.

My life is but a a fraction – a split second, a half a heartbeat – but it is long enough. What I do in one moment, others would waste decades. What I break in one instant, others have spent centuries building.

Forests burn and cities crumble. Animals flee, scurrying into their holes in the ground. Trees break and fall and scatter their shattered limbs across the earth. For me, the world cracks.

Exhale. I have come and gone; my fractional life is over.

The flash that haunts your mind is my ghost. The roar in your ears, my funeral.